Midwest Hoopla

House of M

2005-09-15T00:48:00.000-07:00

COVER BY: Esad Ribic
WRITER: Brian Michael Bendis
PENCILS: Olivier Coipel
INKS: Tim Townsend
COLORED BY: Frank D'Armata
LETTERED BY: Chris Eliopoulos

I know it's been a while since I've done much writing, but truth be told, it's been a while since I've done much reading.

Tonight I decided to catch up on the House of M, and I must say I'm impressed.

I'm not buying any of the side stories. I know there are House of M: Spiderman, House of M: Iron Man, House of M: Fantastic Four, etc. I just get the main story, and so far I've just thought of it as fun.

Issue 5 changed that for me. Specifically the two or three pages that deal with Peter Parker. I don't want to get into the story, but he out of anyone had the best reaction to being shown the truth (with Scott Summers puking).

I hate to admit it, but I'm gaining a little respect for Spidy. Recent writers have done a good job of making him the whipping boy of the Marvel Universe. He's showing the pains of being a superhero (a side of comic books that interest me greatly).

House of M only has a couple more issues. I'm not expecting greatness, but I'm sure I'll enjoy it (unless it has a Identity Crisis crap-twist).

More reading and more writing to come.

"See you next Wednesday..." Issue 7

2005-04-14T11:35:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm here to plead for peace. I know disagreements sometimes arise in the comic book world, and when those disagreements can't be resolved through words, they have to be (regrettably) solved with fists. Or power rays. Or psychic blasts. Or adamantium claws. Whatever. The point is that in superhero books, from time to time, fighting does go on. What I'm pleading today, is not that I want to see an end to all fighting forever in comic books. I simply want to pick up an issue of my favorite titles and not have to skim through 30 pages of punching, crashing, laser blasts and page-size splashes of art that took about five strokes of the keyboard to imagine. I want a little story, damn it!

The Invincible Iron Man #3
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Adi Granov

Here's Exhibit A in what I was just talking about. The schedule for this book has it arriving in stores every six weeks, so when it does arrive, I have a reasonable expectation that Mr. Ellis will provide me with enough to chew over for the next six weeks. Not so with this issue. Here, Tony Stark dons the Iron Man costume in battle for the first time in this series (if I can remember right. The last issue came out so long ago) and confronts Extremis. And that's it, folks. That's the story for this issue. The rest is a crash-bam showdown on a freeway that features flipped cars, sliced vans and exploding stuff aplenty. Just no story.

Warren Ellis has made it no secret that he holds superhero comics in the same regard most of us hold our more eccentric relatives. He continues to associate with them, but only because it seems he has to. Ellis has plenty of ideas and can use them well if he chooses (check out his "Planetary" series). Here, he's got one idea "Extremis" as some kind of biological super-soldier. Ho-hum. The art's pretty to look at and supposedly the reason this book is on such a delayed schedule. But pretty art just ain't enough anymore. Marvel books have been accused a lot recently of padding their storylines for 6 issue arcs and this is definitely one of the byproducts.

Green Lantern: Rebirth #5
Writer: Geoff Johns
Artist: Ethan Van Sciver

There's no cover shot for this book because DC's website doesn't have the correct art on its entry for this issue. That's because "Rebirth" is way off schedule, again, with the art holding everything up. And when that's all a book's got, I guess we've got to wait. That's right, this yet another all-fighting, no talking issue. Johns did some great set up in the first 3 issues of this series, but the second half seems to be dragging. It's as if he had 5 issues of story and was persuaded to pad it to six with some cool fighting scenes. So we're treated to 30 pages of this. I read both this and "Iron Man" in less than 15 minutes and felt like I'd wolfed down a rice cake afterwards. I had the crumbs all around, but I couldn't remember eating anything. I hope he brings everything to a nice conclusion because the regular GL series is set to start next month.

Doom Patrol: Crawling From the Wreckage and The Painting That Ate Paris
Writer: Grant Morrison
Artist: Richard Case

This was a nice relief from the lameness of recent issues of good comics. Grant Morrison really made his name on this run of the "Doom Patrol" and in reading it for the first time I'm realy reminded of Alan Moore's "Swamp Thing" run. It's obvious Morrison is more excited about using his own ideas in the series than working with any pre-existing material, which works just fine for this series, since the original characters of the Doom Patrol aren't that compelling (check out recent issues of John Byrne's recent relaunch if you don't believe me.) Art history seems to be one of the main influences here, with the Brother of Dada being one of the most interesting super villain teams I've seen in quite awhile.

One issue of this run in particular really sold me on Morrison's talents. Set entirely within the "Painting that Ate Paris" this issue is narrated in the form of a letter Frenzy, one of the super villains, is writing to his mother. The poor spelling and grammar are both hilarious and heartbreaking and for the first time, Morrison gave me a new perspective on the mind of a comic book baddie.

Though he doesn't quite earn his place in the great pantheon of comic book writers in my mind, Morrison really showcases some nice, nutty ideas in a short run of issues. I think I'll need to read "The Filth" and "The Invisibles" before I can make a definite decision on Morrison's abilities. However, his current "Seven Soldiers" project promises to be one of his greatest.

"See you next Wednesday..." Issue 6

2005-04-08T12:35:00.000-07:00

It's all horror in the comics reviews today. Both of these issues came out this week.

The Walking Dead #17
Writer: Robert Kirkman
Artist: Charlie Adlard

Comics fans on the Internet have been going bonkers about this series for awhile now, and with good reason. Kirkman isn't just writing a great horror comic, he's writing a great story. Period. Fans in the letters column continue to encourage this series to be adapted on HBO and I agree. With each issue, Kirkman adds on the layers, making the story richer and more resonant.

Until now, Kirkman's zombie story has been slowly laying the foundations of the series. It's a world almost identical to George Romero's zombie movies, but Kirkman does it with enough humanity to be forgiven. But with this issue, he kicks it up a notch and I think we're about to get to the meat of this series.

The cast of characters (and it's a large one) have spent the last five issues holed up in prison, regrouping and trying to establish a bit of routine in their world overrun with zombies. The cliffhangers of the last two issues have established that a serial killer is in their midst and this issue brings that subplot to a head, with Rick finally losing his cool. What develops from this confrontation however, pushes the series into the sort of social commentary that Romero achieved masterfully with his "Dawn of the Dead." I'm anxious to see where it goes.

Kirkman is not without his faults, however. He's allowed the cast to get too large and I hope he performs some trims soon, since many characters seem to stand around with nothing to do. He also has a real writer's tendency to let his characters talk and talk. No thoughts or emotions are allowed to go unmentioned and subtextual meaning isn't his strong suit. Still, he's a young writer finding his legs and the same can be said for his series. Keep on going. I'm hooked.

Blood of the Demon #2
Writer: Will Pfeiffer
Artist: John Byrne

From a comics professional who's just beginning to learn his true potentional, to one who reached his peak long ago and who's struggling to retain it. This is plotter/artist John Byrne's second current on-going series after his "Doom Patrol" and it's much stronger, thanks in part to the scripting skills of Will Pfeiffer.

As a writer Byrne is a great artist, and his dialogue in "Doom Patrol" has the creakiness of grandpa trying to rap. Here, he just handles the plot, and the comic is stronger for it. I also enjoy the darker, more mature feel of this comic. How can you hate a story that features the Demon tearing a thug's face off and eating it?

Batman arrives in a cameo appearance near the end of this issue and so the story's horror elements may soon be dampened in favor of tradional super hero antics. If so, that'll be a shame, because with a comic like this, the darker the better.

Point-Counterpoint

2005-04-01T12:05:00.000-08:00

At first I was mad. Then I was disappointed. Now that I've slept on it, I'm kind of excited.

DC's got something big brewing and I'm signed on for the ride. Their 80-page kick off to 2005's Big Events "Countdown to Infinite Crisis" ends with the death of a much beloved character (Well, beloved to those of us who got into the Justice League through Giffen and DeMatteis' clever run on the book) but I have a feeling that's just the beginning of the story.

Andrew was upset. Not just at the severe disrespect given to the Blue Beetle, but to the complete and through trashing of Maxwell Lord's character. It's going to take a lot to rehabilitate either one of these characters, but I've got a feeling the Powers that Be at DC have a few more tricks up their sleeve.

After all, it's not just Blue Beetle's death that's playing into this crossover. It's "Identity Crisis" from last year. It's "Green Lantern Rebirth" from this year. It's Jason Todd coming back in "Batman" and Supergirl returning in "Superman. It's the mysterious cabal in "Aquaman" that caused San Diego to slide into the ocean. It's intergalactic war on one front in "Adam Strange", a villainous superteam led by President Lex Luthor on the other. It's huge. And like a drooling fanboy, I'm hooked.

Isn't this what comic books are all about?

Damn you DC

2005-03-31T12:08:00.000-08:00

Thanks for ruining characters I loved.
Jerks.

And if this turns out to be a case of Superdickery, I'll be pissed.

Countdown to 'Countdown'

2005-03-31T10:54:00.000-08:00

My review and thoughts on "Countdown to Infinite Crisis" will be posted tonight. In the meantime, take a look at this.

Bend it like Bendis

2005-03-26T08:19:00.000-08:00

I too have gone a long time without posting, so I'll add this.

New Avengers #4

COVER BY: David Finch
WRITER: Brian Michael Bendis
PENCILS: David Finch
INKS: Danny Miki

Sometimes you pick up an issue on habit. It's been a while since I got New Avengers #3. I could remember the story, the characters, and twists. I knew I had to pick up New Avengers #4, but I wasn't really sure why.

Then I read it.

Now I know why.

This Bendis guy never fails to impress me. I remember looking at the roster for the new Avengers team and thinking it was just hype. They were putting together everyone who sold in the Marvel Universe. It was just a matter of time until this person showed up or here's that person doing his schtick. Yet the way Bendis moves his story, you realize that this isn't about who sells comics. It's just the story he had in his head, or at least he knows a story well enough that he can bring in mandated characters in such a way that makes you think that he doesn't compromise his story.

I know I'm being vague, but that's on purpose.

Keep going Bendis. Now I know why I'm picking up issue #5.

Daddy wants to rock

2005-03-22T19:51:00.000-08:00

My girlfriend (the lovely Nicole) pointed out that I haven't posted here in quite awhile, and she's right. I have no excuses and no apologies. The comics will have to wait for another post, but I've got yer book talkin' right here.

Basket Case
by Carl Hiassen

There's nothing more uncomfortable to read than an old, rich, white dude trying to write about rock 'n roll. I'm sure it can be done properly, but music is a young man's game and the elderly (and even those slightly middle aged) had better know what they're talking about in more detail than a Harvard law grad knows his tort reform before they go wading to those murky waters.

Baby Boomers know the Beatles, the Who, the Rolling Stones, the Beach Boys and even the Clash, Sex Pistols and the Ramones. They write about these bands, quote these bands, reference these bands, and even adopt these bands' postures with commendable familiarity. Anything after that is a no-no. In "Basket Case," Carl Hiassen breaks these cardinal rules and if the world of American Letters were a mosh pit, he'd be the goofy dork on the edge in his $250 leather jacket and pressed pants. He can certainly show up and try to act the part, but we all know he should really be at home or out at the sushi joint around the block.

Hiassen's hero for this murder mystery could be pulled right out of the "How to Write a Best-Selling Mystery" handbook. He's a disgraced crack reporter with a nose for trouble and an ear for smart-assed dialogue. If you think this sounds like Mr. Irwin M. Fletcher of Gregory MacDonald's novels, you wouldn't be far off. Jack Tagger could be Fletch's long lost brother.

The murder to be solved in this little piffle of a book is that of James Stomarti AKA Jimmy Stoma of the band, The Slut Puppies. It seems that after going into rehab, Mr. Stoma is about to make a comeback album. Nevermind that in the real world of music producing, no one could give two farts about an aging 80s rocker's comeback bid. And to Hiassen's credit, he addresses this honestly. None of the kids in the book have ever heard of Jimmy Stoma. It's the details he fails at. When a producer is painted as a bad-ass by having worked with Matchbox Twenty, I knew I was in for trouble. And though the book is set in the present day (circa the year 2000), MTV is portrayed as it was in the late '80s, as a station the kids turn to to actually see videos. This is obviously taking place in a fantasy world or the world of the hopelessly out of touch.

The mystery elements here are pretty creaky, too. We've got the usual ransacked apartments, midnight muggings, menacing bodyguards, money grubbing widows and smarmy music types. It's a yawn, and they feel like stock characters carted straight out a Columbo murder mystery.

The banter, which Hiassen, consciously or unconsciously seems to be channeling from Mr. MacDonald, is pretty good. It's no Fletch, but there are a few good zingers, a couple zappos, and one or two turds.

I need to give Hiassen some credit for being dead on with his knowledge of the newspaper game. He's been a journalist for 25 years and his descriptions of a reporter's life and the day-to-day life of the newsroom are all true and accurate. So good job for that, Carl! Now stay away from my music and go back to NPR!

The Great Journey

2005-03-06T16:36:00.000-08:00

I just finished Halo 2 and it feels like a great accomplishment.

The game itself wasn't that difficult. I played through on the normal setting. Heroic is supposed to be more of a challenge, and Legendary is said to be near impossible. I don't know if I'm going to try to go through it again any time soon. I'll probably stick to the online part of it now, but I wanted to finish the story.

And what a story it was.

I really loved the story from Halo. Video games (and first person shooters in particular) are notoriously short of story. Mostly it involves going from point A to point B, killing everything in your path and picking up some key cards on the way. The plots tend to be as deep as a short story written in a 13-year-old boy's wide ruled notebook.

Halo was different in so many ways. There was a war going on, but it's not your job to win it single handedly. Your enemy is about to set of a weapon of mass destruction, but they don't even know it. I liked it for the same reason I liked the game. It was simple, yet extremely detailed.

Halo 2 was everything a sequel should be. It took the elements of the first game and expanded on them. There wasn't much in the way of invention. But they went into great depth on almost all aspects of the first story.

Patrick has been talking lately about video games becoming an art form. I'll let him expand on his theories there if he chooses to. I agree that video games are reaching the point where something is going to happen. At some point in the foreseeable future, a corner will be turned. Right now, video games are mimicking action movies. Halo 2 stands out to me because it shows that video game makes have mastered the skills of filmic story telling. They have those tools under their belts. But video games need to find their own path. Trying to mimic movies, that's the best video games will ever be. A copy. Video games must learn to embrace their own strengths and limitations and become something of their own.

Movies were considered mindless entertainment, but they've had their Citizen Kane and Godfathers.

Television is the opium of the masses, but there has been Twin Peaks (Patrick's suggestion) and All in the Family.

Comic books were trash collected by preteen boys, but then came Watchmen and the Dark Knight Returns.

I'm sure that in my lifetime there will be a video game that can be counted as a piece of literature.

I can't wait to see it.

I'm a dork

2005-03-03T18:00:00.000-08:00

I found this very funny.

Book club blues

2005-03-01T19:23:00.000-08:00

My girlfriend recently started a book club with one of her friends and for our first meeting they selected two memoirs by Augusten Burroughs: "Running With Scissors" and "Dry." I'm not finished with "Dry" yet, so I'll save that one for a future post, but "Running With Scissors" is fair game and boy was it a disappointment.

I'd heard Burroughs compared to David Sedaris, but based on his first book, I disagree. Sedaris has a real charm that comes through in his writing that Burroughs attempts to duplicate through shock tactics. Burroughs memoir recounts his crazy childhood being raised by his mother's less-than-capable psychiatrist in rural Massachusetts. Like Sedaris, the book isn't divided into chapters so much as vignettes. And each vignette seems centered around some sort of shocking reveal that never seems as shocking as the author seems to think it is. I had a hard time even believing this thing was a true story. Everything is told in a distant and slightly snide tone, and each person in his life gets reduced to a collection of eccentric tics. The doctor has a special room in his office that he calls his masturbatorium. He goes in there and masturbates. Shocked yet? I hope so, because that's all that really goes on with the masturbatorium, it's introduced, then forgotten in favor of new and more shocking character traits.

I would complain more, but the whole point of a book club is to read stuff you wouldn't normally read and I have certainly done that. Yay for me! Though I'm only 60 pages into "Dry" it seems much, much better. That report will have to wait, however.

"See you next Wednesday" issue 4"

2005-03-01T18:51:00.000-08:00

I've been making some real headway in my backlog of unread comics the past couple of weeks. I've read way more than I have time to review, so I'll just mention a couple that are worth the dough.

Seven Soldiers of Victory #0
Writer: Grant Morrison
Art: J.H. Williams

This is DC's next big project, though I suspect it won't get nearly as much attention as their upcoming "Countdown" and "Crisis 2" miniseries.

The gimmick here is that Grant Morrison is taking a collection of bottom-tier DC characters and telling a brand new story, spread over 30 issues in the form of 7 four-issue miniseries and two "wrap-around" issues. Each miniseries is self-contained, and so are the wrap-around issues. A pretty neat bit of serialized storytelling, if he can pull it off. I think he can, based on the first issue.

For his introduction, Morrison steals a bit of misdirection of Alfred Hitchcock, though I won't say anymore without spoiling the twist of this issue. This is all set-up for the REAL heroes of "Seven Soldiers" and the anything-can-happen feel of the first issue is getting me excited for the promise. This doesn't sound like a franchise project, but a real attempt to do something artisitic. But like I said, we'll only know for sure a year from now, when the whole thing wraps up. Stay tuned.

Trigger #3
Writer: Jason Hall
Artist: John Watkiss

Like "Seven Soldiers," much of my enjoyment of "Trigger" comes from anticipation. This is your basic dystopian future storyline, in which our protagonists lead unfulfilling lives in an Orwellian world dominated by one company known as Ethicorp. The main character is a bored Ethicorp copy writer who fills his downtime with crime stories, and who, on another routine business trip to another city, awakens to find his clothes and hands covered in blood.

Meanwhile, an intrepid reporter for the local dirt sheet is investigating rumors of "Triggers," so-called assassins who serve as judge, jury and executionor for Ethicorp. It seems pretty obvious from the first issue that people like our would-be writer are being unknowingly used as the company's assassins. If this were the entire plot, I'd be disappointed, but the beauty of comic books is that the set-up is only the jumping-off point. I'll be curious to see what direction Hall and co. take this one.

Tiny Tim lives!

2005-03-01T18:42:00.000-08:00

Just finished John Irving's "A Prayer for Owen Meany," a nice old-fashioned chunk of a novel. Literature's cutting edge has long since passed Mr. Irving by, opting instead for verbal gymnastics and stylistic loop-de-loops. But in terms of storytelling muscle, this old gray man has 'em all beat. Irving's one stylistic gimmick is to create the effect of little Owen Meany's voice by using all capital letters, and that really isn't much of a gimmick.

I'm glad the back cover didn't refer much to the book's plot. Letting the book's richness and surprises unfold in front of me was part of the fun, although my one complaint is that I think at least some of the span could have been shaved away. But that's beside the point. What Irving's doing here is that classic trick that Dickens mastered and everyone after him has just been imitating: he's couched a rich social commentary in a warm-hearted, nostalgic and episodic story. This is a real "story" story, the kind where you get really involved in the characters.

Gonzo is dead

2005-02-21T00:52:00.000-08:00

Hunter S. Thompson
July 18, 1937 - February 20, 2005

"See you next Wednesday" Issue 3

2005-02-17T13:55:00.000-08:00

Not to be outdone by Andrew's graphics genius, this edition of my comics review roundup will be illustrated. Snazzy.

Adventures of Superman 627
Writer: Greg Rucka
Artists: Matthew Clark and Andy Lanning

This is the stuff. Maybe it's because I work at a newspaper, but since I started reading comics again a few years ago, Superman has seemed more appealing to me than he ever did before. Pre-teens are more drawn to the dark, brooding Batman, but these days I find Superman to be where the action is at. Written properly, Superman should focus more on world events and global politics with stories that feature larger than life heroics. Too often, Superman writers try to focus on Superman's inner turmoil and they fail miserably. Come on, guys. Let Superman be well adjusted. Leave the armchair psychology stuff to Batman, it suits him more. Greg Rucka has nailed Superman with his latest run on the character. This issue continues his on-going storyline involving Ruin, a mysterious masked villain who knows Superman's secret identity and plans to punish those who are closest to him. Story elements from throughout Rucka's run, including Lois' being shot by a sniper in the Iraq stand-in Umec are all coming into play as it becomes obvious that the battle against Ruin is going to be Rucka's main story arc. I hope he stays on the book after this story is over, but only time will tell.

Ojo 1-5
Writer: Sam Kieth
Art: Sam Kieth and some other guy

What a bizarre little mini-series. What really makes this work is Kieth's art, which has always had a nice "Tales From the Crypt" EC horror edge to it. Here we have the story of a little girl who lives with her older sister and her grandfather in a tiny trailer. The mother has died and the father has taken off, with a vague promise to return sometime in the future. The little girl, who has never learned to deal with her mother's death, attempts to raise a doomed string of pets, from a hamster to a lizard. One day, she finds a weird squishy creature under some boards near the local drainage pipe. She decides to raise this creature, despite the fact that its real mother is still living in the drainage pipe and it's HUNGRY.

Like most comics these days, this one was stretched out a little too long and probably could have been told in three or four issues, but the five issue space gives plenty of opportunity to look at Kieth's wonderfully creepy art.

Green Lantern: Rebirth

2005-02-17T13:44:00.000-08:00

Green Lantern: Rebirth
Issue #4 (of 6)
Written by Geoff Johns;
Art and cover by Ethan Van Sciver

I was so excited to get this comic last night, I sat in my car and read it by the dome light. I don't know how many other issues that I can say that about lately.

The book was disappointing and inspiring at the same time. I was expecting much more of an event in this issue. The last page I guess was supposed to be the issue's surprise, but given the title, you're already expecting it.

The one thing that really got me about this issue was the description of using Green Latern's ring. Oliver "Green Arrow" Queen takes a shot at Sinestro with the old piece of finger candy, ends up feeling completely drained and tired and asks Kyle Rayner if that's what happens when you force your will through it. Rayner's response: "Every time."

I like that. Just goes to show that not anyone could be the Green Lantern. The rings ended up on the fingers they did for a reason (though that does beg the question of Guy Gardner. I wish someone would come along and write him well again).

The one thing I disliked (and I'm going to have to spoil the ending on this, so you might not want to read further if you haven't finished the book) was as Hal Jordan returns from the dead (why do you think they called it Rebirth?) the white hair at his temples returned to Brown. Now I understand that they're trying to return Hal Jordan to his former glory, but the graying temples signified everything he'd gone through. Hell and back (literally). Let Hal be a little older and wiser as he returns to the DC Universe.

Now that I've written that, I'm suddenly curious as to how he's going to fit back into the Earth of Detective Comics. He's been gone for a while, and he was a huge villain right before he left.

Makes me eager to pick up the next issue and read it in my car.

The memory of pulp

2005-02-17T00:30:00.000-08:00

I recently finished a collection of essays by mainstream authors reminiscing about comic books titled, "Let's Hear It For the Atomsmashers."

Like most anthologies, the pieces in the book range from great to mediocre, but the overall effect is pretty positive. Though I was disappointed by one too many explanations of how cool Marvel was in the 1960s and how uncool DC was, there's a nice range of experience and taste on display. Especially appreciated was Aimee Bender's discussion of "Yummy Fur," which I'm curious to pick up now, and a look at the work of Jim Woodring. Other standouts were a memoir-cum-overview of the career of Jack Kirby by Jonathan Lethem, an exploration of the nature of collecting by Glen David Gold and a tantalizing memory of the New Teen Titans by Brad Meltzer.

But what this book did for me best was to spark my own memories of reading comic books. The first comic I remember buying: Muppet Babies issue 1. The comic that became a turning point in my appreciation of the genre: an issue of Uncanny X-Men, though I can't remember the issue number. The comic that turned me off to comics: somewhere around X-Men (the new series) issue 2 or 3. And the comic that brought me back to the fold: Frank Miller's "The Dark Knight Returns"

I have a few memories of comic book reading experiences that were transcendent. Where the words and the picture became one, and the cliff-hanger actually had me cursing the month I would have to wait to learn more. But as time has gone on, those moments become fewer and fewer. The great moments exist entirely in nostalgia now, periodically revived by a dip into the white long boxes in my closet. Although I read an average of seven comic books a week, I rarely get that lasting charge anymore. Are comics best days behind us? Or are comics really only a product for kids, with us 20somethings suffering from a case of arrested development. Like junkies who have been on the drug for two long, are we paying more for the same dose, but finding ourselves unable to recapture that high?

Batman Vs. The Flash

2005-02-16T15:23:00.000-08:00

My two favorite superheroes to read right now are Batman and the Flash, but for two entirely different reasons.

Batman I read for the character. Having read the best Batman stories out there (Killing Joke, Dark Knight Returns, Knightfall, No Man's Land, etc.), I know that Batman has a style/characteristics that I enjoy. For the most part, that style and those characteristics carry through no matter the writer.

I like the Flash 80% because of the writer. Geoff Johns is doing incredible things with this book (I'll expand on that in a second). I tried to get into the Flash back in the day, but I was never that interested. Then over Christmas of '03, my friend Joe explained to me the storyline going on, and I had to pick it up. I have every issue since then.

Currently, both the Batman and Flash titles are tackling a similar concept: reinventing villains. One is a perfect example of how to do it. The other, a perfect example of how not to do it.

Detective Comics #185-189
"Riddle Me That"
Written by Shane McCarthy;
Art by Tommy Castillo and Rodney Ramos;
Covers by Sean Phillips

Oh, the Riddler. If brought into the real world, he's probably one of the stupidest ideas for a villain. Just as Seanbaby.

Now I love what they did with the Riddler during "Hush" (Don't tell anyone, but I haven't actually finished reading Hush. I've been doing it in installments while sitting around Borders. I just had the ending explained to me by my friend Joe). He was actually a mastermind in that one.

But even more importantly, I liked what happened to Riddler post "Hush." On the run in fearing for his life, Riddler goes to the realm of Poison Ivy for protection. She makes an attempt on his life as well, all the while explaining that none of the other batnemisi like him. He's not one of them. He isn't all that into crime or destruction. He's a joke.

Riddler escapes, though you wonder what he'll do with himself now. He was on the bring of greatness and then fell to the bottom of the barrel.

What he does with himself (according to the "Riddle Me That!" storyline) is get some plastic surgery and come back as a badass. A mental match for Batman. Out of nowhere. There's a bit of backstory to the Riddler getting a genius score on a developmental test as a child but his father thinks he's cheating. But that backstory is sped past at a lightning rate. More time spent on the secondary backstory of a man who finds the Riddler living on the street post "Hush" and takes him home to exploit his genius.

This story is just bad writing. They actually try to completely reinvent the character. It's a totally different Riddler. Give him a new look and a new way of speak. Even younger some how.

I wanted a beaten down Riddler. A Riddler that needs to prove himself. This Riddler has no more reason to be a criminal than the old version did. He just dresses in black now.

The Flash #218
"Heat Wave"
Written by Geoff Johns;
Art by Peter Snejbjerg;
Cover by Howard Porter and Livesay

Johns is taking the 70's cartoony rogues from Flash's history and making them cool. Batman has the best villains because for the most part, you can see the psychology behind them. Two-face has multiple personality disorder. Joker is a sociopath. Ra's Al Ghul is a meglomaniac.

Johns connects the villains of the Flash gallery with disorders of their own. He already made Mirror Master a coke fiend. In this issue, he turns Heat Wave into a pyromaniac. It seems like a simple concept. The character is based around fire, so he should be a pyromaniac. But Johns is a good writer, so when he writes a pyromaniac, you see what it's like to be a pyromaniac. There's one scene when a young Mick Rory accidentally sets fire to his farm home then watches as his family burns to death. He talks about wanting to do something, but just being in awe almost to the point of love in watching the flames. That's a pyromaniac.

Johns also shows Heat Wave interacting with other Flash Villains through the years. His personality is must like a flame. His continual conflict with Capitan Cold is elevated from a joke rivalry to a conflict of personalities. Captain Cold is made logical and calculating. Heat Wave's own personality is shown as random and emotional. In Geoff Johns' world, there's a reason that these two men picked their secret identities/weapons. A emotionless man might like the clean effectiveness of ice while an angry impulsive man would be more drawn to the powers of flame.

It all comes down to the why. Johns understands the why. Why people act the way they do. Shane McCarthy and his Riddler seem like the work of fan boys. Running off a "wouldn't it be cool" mentality.

I'll keep buying Batman. Like I said, I love the character. I just hope that someone who's as talented a writer as Geoff Johns picks up the duties with the Dark Knight.

"See you next Wednesday..." Issue 2

2005-02-09T22:06:00.000-08:00

Hey, hey, hey!

It's Wednesday night, and everybody who's anybody knows that that means comic book day! So without further ado...here are the latest and greatest in what's out there on the racks at this very moment.

"Stoker's Dracula" 1-2:

This is one-half of Roy Thomas and Dick Giordano's aborted mid-70s adaptation of Bram Stoker's classic. Begun in a comic magazine called "Dracula Lives," this was a multipart serial that went unfinished when the magazine folded. With Marvel's recent trade paperback collections of "Tomb of Dracula" selling like hotcakes, the company is doing it's best to plunder the vaults for anything else they can reprint. This adaptation is quite good on a writing level. Whole sections of Stoker's text have been reprinted as torn bits of diary or letter (the entire novel was written in epistolary form). What's not so good is the art, which appears to have been photocopied from the original magazine pages, shrunk to comic size and not even touched up. Occasionally, the lines seem to fade away on the page. I hope the art looks better in issue 3, when they finish reprinting the old stuff and get to the new pages Giordano drew this year to finish the story.

"Uncanny X-Men" 455

Oh man, how the mighty have fallen. Chris Claremont's X-Men was one of the first modern superhero comics I ever read, and the sheer complexity of the storyline got me hooked for more (if only so I could figure out what the hell was going on in the issue I had).

It's 15 years later, Claremont has returned to the scene of his greatest accomplishments. But like an aging alumni hanging out at the homecoming game, trying to recapture his youth by acting like he thinks he should act, he's just embarassing himself here.

It doesn't help that the X-Men became a complete mess in the years after his departure from the title in 1992. A revolving door of writers attempted to add their own stamp on the already convoluted mess that was X-Men history, and in the process made the comic impenetrable to everyone. Efforts have been made to simplify, correct and smooth out the continuity, but it's hopeless. Claremont led it down this path, but back in the late 80s, early 90s, I believed he was going somewhere. Guess it turns out he was taking us all for a drive in the country. His return to the book is full of all his old narrative tricks, but they're tired now. The characters that were once his ace in the hole (Claremont made Wolverine) have been used so much, they're as mysterious as Tucan Sam. His plots are filled with half-hearted battle scenes, shrug-worthy twists and what feel like management dictated new characters. Yes, there's now a female Wolverine who is supposed to be as mysterious as Wolverine once was. Who cares? Really, who cares?

What saves this mess is the art of Alan Davis. He's one of my favorites, and though his characters have become less defined as he's gotten older, he still has a good eye for what looks cool. Unfortunately, his partner is only holding him back. At this point, the X-Men are goners. They've long ago lost any point or connection with their central theme. They run a multi-national corporation now, for god's sakes! These people aren't fucked-up outsiders, they're MBA terrorists! The sooner Marvel cancels this title, the better, though with X-Men 3 coming to a theater near you, I'd say the chances of that happening are fat.

That's all I have time for tonight, kiddies. See you next Wednesday!

"Tell me what you don't like about yourself."

2005-02-08T14:32:00.000-08:00

Last night I finished watching the first season of "Nip/Tuck" on DVD. This is the popular FX drama series that, as of this writing, is planning to enter its third season. The critics raved when the second season started, so I was curious to give it a look.

"Nip/Tuck" belongs to what I'll call the third wave of TV series. I just thought of this, so please forgive me if it's not completely thought out. The first wave, in my mind, started with the beginnings of TV and continued until sometime in the 1960s. It was TV at its beginnings and most juvenile. The shows were completely uncontroversial, bland, geared to a post-WWII feel-good mindset. Think "Leave it Beaver," "The Honeymooners," "Dr. Kildare" and "Perry Mason." This is stuff your grandparents watched. Mary Tyler Moore was sleeping in a seperate bed from Dick Van Dyke.

The second wave started sometime in the late '60s and really got going in the '70s. For the most part, I think this started with the Smothers Brothers variety show and their anti-war protests, but also includes all those Norman Lear shows like "All in the Family" and "Maude." Like an awkward adolescent, TV was seeing just how far it could go. Maude got raped. Archie Bunker didn't like blacks and jews. Alan Alda told us war was bad. Arnold's friend got molested by Gordon Jump. Looking back now, these message themed episodes seem dreadfully ham-handed, but they're all an important step in TV's growing up. I might add that the production values on TV were continuing to get better. Shows like "MASH" were actually shot outside the studio. At this point, Mary Tyler Moore was single and loving it, baby!

Which brings us up to the third wave. I'd say this had its infancy in the late 80s with the Steven Bochco series "L.A. Law" and the nighttime soap, "Dallas." At this point, location shooting was more and more common. The storytelling was getting more complex. Stories no longer wrapped up in a single episode and there were occasionally two-parters. But what's most important to realize aobut this period is that the anti-hero was gaining a foothold. In the previous two waves, the hero was (usually) a good guy. Archie Bunker was an exception, but we had Rob Petrie, Andy Griffith, Columbo and Starsky and Hutch. These guys did no wrong! Look at the late 80s, by contrast: J.R. Ewing lied, cheated and stole and people LOVED him.

That brings us to now, which is probably the apex of the third wave. At this point, the characters and themes of the best TV shows outclass most Hollywood movies. Message episodes are a thing of the past and two-part storylines have been jettisoned in favor of multiepisode story arcs. The pinnacle of this kind of storytelling is definitely HBO's "The Sopranos" with the other quality series acheiving lesser success.

"Nip/Tuck" benefits from the era its been released in. For a show about looks and life's shallow pleasures, it doesn't shy away from sex. It also doesn't shy away from the ugly acts necessary to get there. This series features some of the most stomach churning operating room footage I've ever seen. And i suppose most of the stomach churn comes from the knowledge that people in real life volunteer to have this done to them. After the first episode, I decided I'd never have a boob job.

Where "Nip/Tuck" fails is in the story and character department. While there are lots of good ideas at work here, creator Ryan Murphy and his writing staff can't resist the trashy plot twist, the over-the-top character or the heart-wrenching confrontation. Time after time, the series goes just a bit too far for credibility and I found myself slapping my forehead in disbelief. The teenage son has a girlfriend who's a lesbian... and she wants him to join her girlfriend in a three way! The married doctor finds himself attracted to a woman who's had her breasts removed because of cancer. They start an affair.....and she learns she's dying! The doctors learn they're being paid by a drug dealer to hide his identity...and the guy's evil boss shows up again and again, ensnaring them in his evil ways? How do we know he's evil? He's got tattoos...ALL OVER HIS BODY!

What saved the series for me and will probably get me to pony up another $50 for season two is some spiffy acting by Julian McMahon as the (mostly) conscience-free Dr. Christian Troy, who thinks nothing of using women like...well, not tissue paper, exactly. More like a dirty old jizz rag that he doesn't toss, but stuffs under the mattress in case he wants to use it again later.

(As a personal aside to my friends and loved one who reads this blog: I never did this. But I knew a guy in my college dorm who sure did. And his roommate toured us all through his room to show it to us. Gross.)

Back to Dr. Troy. Just like dirty old J.R. Ewing, Julian McMahon plays a glorious bastard and practically steals the show in doing it. Dylan Walsh, as the morally confliced Dr. McNamara is all moist eyes and quavering voice, and simpers around the sets as if his bleeding heart will plop out of his chest and onto the floor at any moment. His wife and partner in moist eyes and quavering voice, is annoyingly played by Joely Richardson. Together, this gruesome twosome can make "Nip/Tuck" a chore to watch, but get a loved one to join you, get liquored up and yell and curse at them, and you should be fine. Somehow, Richardson managed to snag a Golden Globe nom. for her work in season two, so I can only assume she carries an alien baby to term or something of equal value to engender higher interest in her character.

It ain't the best thing TV has to offer, but you could do a whole lot worse.

Walk On

2005-02-03T13:39:00.000-08:00

Patrick e-mailed me this story. It makes an interesting point. Don't they do this for Emmys?

Commercial Interruption

2005-01-31T17:26:00.000-08:00

Okay, this is a bit of a random, stupid thing, but it's been bugging me for a while, so I need to talk about it.

There's a commercial for Chili's that I see every time I'm hanging out at my friends Tim and Desiree's place. It's your typical advertisements for one of those type restaurants, but whenever they show the exterior of the building, it's raining.

Why? I don't get it.

This isn't real rain. It's pretty obvious that this is man made rain which means they had to plan it out in advance that it was going to be raining.

Tim says it's supposed to be a regional ad. Portraying somewhere like Seattle.

Desiree says it's supposed to show comfort. Like Chili's is a place to come and feel safe.

They're both good answers, but nothing else about the commercial seems to imply either of those things. Advertisers aren't idiots. They drop millions of dollars into research on how to manipulate people's minds. I'm sure there was a team of psychologists who spent months plotting out that there should be rain outside every shot of Chili's in this commercial.

I wish I knew why.

To me it just makes it seem like the people aren't running into Chili's because they can't wait to dig their teeth into some baby back ribs. They're running into Chili's to get out of the rain. It could be a T.G.I.Fridays' or a Denny's or a Post Office. They just don't want to get soaked.

The Wal-Mart of American Letters

2005-01-31T13:31:00.000-08:00

I want to like Dean Koontz, I really do. For one thing, he's got to be one of the most modest best-selling authors in the country. He shuns the cult of celebrity and prefers to knock around his swank Newport Beach pad, picking his lint and shuffling his slippered feet. He's a bit of a kook, which I also admire. He's afraid to fly, has never left the North American continent, and seems suffer from a mild case of obsessive compulsive disorder. But I'll be damned if he isn't a shitty writer.

When I was in middle school, I downed a handful of his novels like baby aspirin. "Midnight," "The Bad Place," "Cold Fire" and "Phantoms" were all passable timewasters to my mind, and I thought i really liked the guy. Then I read "Hideaway" and things started to change. The main character in "Hideway" adopts a crippled girl who quickly becomes the target of a serial killer. The adoptive parents worry that their crippled girl won't love them. The crippled girl frets that her adoptive parents can never love her because she's crippled. A serial killer tries to put them all out of their collective misery and fails in a light show straight out of a bad Christian-themed end times novel. After "Hideaway" I stopped reading Koontz.

A recent profile on the guy in the LA Times sparked my interest again and I picked up "Watchers," (a book I'd purchased on my previous Koontz kick and never read) to read as my new subway book. Good ol' Dean suckered me again. For those of you who aren't familiar with the plot (or who haven't seen the Corey Haim film adaptation) "Watchers" is about a pair of genetically engineered animals that escape from a lab and get chased by shady government types. One is a super-smart dog, like "Lassie" only even MORE noble. The other is a monster everyone calls, "The Outsider" (Koontz' tip of the hat to H.P. Lovecraft) which is a ridiculous name for a monster. At least in Harry Potter, the bad guy is referred to as a joke, "He Who Must Not Be Named." Har.

The dog finds a man who is lonely and feels that no one can love him. The dog raises his spirits, hooks him up with a woman who's a total knockout and who also feels no one can really love her and they, of course, fall in love. One presumes the dog also feels a certain amount of Koontz' cloying brand of self-loathing, but since his communication is limited to arranging Scrabble tiles and licking his balls, we're thankfully saved from an interior monologue.

I resent Koontz most for his characters, who aren't just cardboard thin, they're also damn annoying. In a Koontz book, the good guys are good. Really good. Jesus good. The bad guys are bad. Serial killer bad. The good guys think nothing but Good Thoughts. The bad guys hate the good guys and think nothing but Bad Thoughts. Good triumphs. Evil is vanquished. No one dies who doesn't deserve it. One suspects that Mr. Koontz has found religion along his path to bestsellerdom.

I try not to have a snobbish attitude when it comes to pop culture. Like being in an abusive relationship, I keep on coming back for more, even when I know I'll be disappointed. I read books based on the cover art. I see movies that open in January. I listen to the radio. Some of it is indeed good. A lot of it is trash. But I believe society eventually filters out the trash. "Flintstones" made a boatload of dough when it opened in 1994. Who talks about that movie today? But with Koontz, I keep hearing people who are die-hard Koontz fans, who have read his books for years and sing is praises. The reviews on Amazon.com, a bastion of populist literary criticism, rank his books with four or more stars consistantly. I just don't get it.

I open the forum for Koontz fans to explain the appeal to me. Why does this man sell books? Is it he Wal-Mart theory? That he writes enough to sell enough to find a fan of at least one of his books? Enlighten me.

It's lonely at the bottom

2005-01-28T13:57:00.000-08:00

Last night Andrew and I went to see "In the Realm of the Unreal." I'm not sure Andrew will be posting on since he used the occasion to catch up on his beauty sleep, but I've been thinking about it all day, so I thought I would talk a bit.

"In the Realm of the Unreal" is a documentary about outsider artist Henry Darger. Outsider art, for those who aren't familiar with the term, is any kind of creative work made by someone existing outside the normal artistic worlds. People so in love with the medium, they are compelled to create no matter their talent.

Henry Darger worked a series of menial jobs in a Catholic hospital in Chicago throught the middle part of the 20th century. He rented a small bedroom from a couple in Lincoln Park and by the accounts of his neighbors, he kept completely to himself. But within the walls of his tiny room, Darger was busy creating his life's work, a massive 15,000 page illustrated novel titled, "In the Realms of the Unreal" about a girl slave rebellion in a far off country. The work was only discovered in 1973 after his death in a poor house.

Darger had a very unhappy childhood, was probably abused in some form in the orphanages and hospitals where he was raised and his obsession with both religion and small children gave me the impression that he was battling some inner child-molester-y demons. I can's say for sure, and neither can anyone else. Darger was a mystery to everyone around him and the only thing left to speak for him is the book.

The documentary itself was so-so. They were working with great subject matter, so it was nearly impossible to screw it up completely, but I wish they'd interviewed someone who could interpret Darger's work a little more thoroughly. As it is, we're left to make amateur psychologocial assumptions about his motivations. Was he molested? Were his graphic images of little naked girls with penises being tied to trees and stabbed to death his homicidal impulses or merely his way of dealing with abuse in his past? We'll never know.

What I admired the most about Darger's story is that despite having nothing, the creative impulse provided him with a rich life (interior life, anyway) and a marvelous way of coping with his horrific innter turmoil. No one can ever accuse Henry Darger of selling out.

Guys with Skills

2005-01-26T16:40:00.000-08:00

I didn't like Napoleon Dynamite when I first saw it in a bridal suite at the Bellagio hotel and casino in Vegas. Sure it made me laugh a lot, but I kind of felt like it was a rip off.

Since it came out on DVD, I've had a strong urge to see it again. It finally grew to the point where I bought it last night on my way over to Tim and Desiree's house. After the second viewing, I love it. I love it for all the reasons I didn't like it before.

There's no real plot. No character development. It's just a series of events.

That's what makes it so great. It's just a chunk of a life in a very specific world, and that world is the world I grew up in: lined notebooks full of drawings, metal folding chairs at high school dances, gravel roads leading to houses in the middle of nowhere.

I tried to explain that to Tim and Desiree (more her because she'll keep asking if she doesn't get it). I guess it's just one of those things from living in the middle of nowhere. By the time pop culture reaches you, it's stale. I think satellite TV and the internet have gone a long way to bringing the Midwest up to speed, but there was this sort of timeless gap when I was a kid.

They still found the movie funny but I think for different reasons then I did.

I just love how real it is.

The Big Stew

2005-01-25T16:56:00.000-08:00

It's time to stop fooling ourselves: pop culture is culture. I'm not saying that the latest and greatest by Tony Kushner or August Wilson is interchangable with Paris and Nicole, but I am saying that when the times we live in are eventually thrown into the big stew of the '00s and studied years from now, Paris and Nicole will probably be talked about for much longer than Tony and August. Stephen King is our Dickens. Jon Stewart is our Jon Swift. John Williams' "Star Wars" theme will be played by symphonies long after the rest of our modern composers are forgotten and Batman will one day be studied in college. I'm not saying it's good. I'm not saying it's bad. I'm just saying it the way it is.

This is all a self-important way of introducing Chuck Klosterman's "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs." Klosterman, a staff writer for "Spin" magazine, is a pop culture critic in the Lester Bangs mode. He's smart, he's opinionated and he's not afraid to challenge conventional wisdom if it doesn't jive with his view of our world. The book, a collection of essays on subjects ranging from "Saved by the Bell," Billy Joel, The Sims, Pamela Anderson and serial killers is subtitled "A low culture manifesto" but the low culture term is probably tongue in cheek. In Klosterman's worldview, pop culture is as worthy of serious examination as our old friends Tony and August (and let's throw in Important Artist Ed Ruscha because I've been seeing banners about his show around L.A.)

Klosterman wisely avoids trying to convince us all of these things are good or evil. He's not a fanboy (though he is not shy about stating his preferences). Rather, his goal here is to explain for us exactly what these items should mean to our society at large. To Klosterman, "The Real World" has stopped reflecting 20something view points and started creating them with the alarming success of a "Body Snatchers" movie. Pam Anderson is our Marilyn Monroe and both say equal amounts about the societies that created them. Toby Keith is a more genuine country music creation than anything by Uncle Tupelo. He tackles it all and examines it in a way that'll have you questioning just what the significance of a candy bar wrapper means in the formation of your childhood. Seriously.

He's got a previous book, "Fargo Rock City," that I'm dying to pick up. But first I'm gonna read "Left Behind." Yes, he even makes apocalyptic, right-wing ranting seem appealing.

Tomorrow is comics day, so I'll be back with a couple reviews.

I need an iPod

2005-01-25T11:29:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how much music can effect me.

This morning I was feeling pretty crappy. It had a lot to do with a girl who was more interested in a goofy-look Meisner student than me.

On my drive to work I hear the combo mix of that Green Day song and Wonderwall by Oasis. Then I walked into 7-11 to get my bottle of water (new diet), and Bittersweet Symphony by the Verve was playing. When I got back into my car, Indie 103.1 played Peek a Boo by Souixsie & the Banshees. Some of those songs have a connected memory. Others are just good songs.

But you know what? I'm feeling pretty good.

Committed

2005-01-19T16:44:00.000-08:00

Last night I was stuck working on the floor here at the hospital. I dislike doing it and try my best to get out of it (to the point of sometimes calling in sick). But last night I couldn't find any good reason to escape, so I ended up working.

The patients usually go to bed around 9pm, leaving me with two hours to fill before the end of my shift. On Tuesdays, I watch Law and Order: SVU. About 9:45 I settled down with a bag of popcorn and some Gatorade and flipped it on NBC. Being fifteen minutes early, I caught the end of the sitcom leading into my Dick Wolf fix.

The show was called Committed. I'm going to leave a little space for you to come up with your own joke about watching a show called Committed in a mental hospital.

Done? Okay.

I'm not going to say this show was awesome and my new must see tv, but I have to say I was impressed by the story. Basically it was the "morning after" for the show's two characters: Nate (Josh Cooke) and Marni (Jennifer Finnigan). They attempt to have a romantic time but run into Marni's father who abandoned her as a child. Now come on. That's a heck of a plot. The jokes weren't insanely hilarious (there was a good bit about leaving messages as the pick up names for coffee and sandwiches) and there was a horrible side story (the respect you gain by carrying a baby bag), but I admire a show that doesn't get stuck in the same plot lines that every show goes through.

Like I said, I don't think this is going to become required watching for me. Checking out the site for the show (http://www.nbc.com/Committed/about/) makes me a little nervous (Marni has a squatter ex clown living in her apartment?). But I do give the show credit for not being one of the countless crappy sitcoms which are opening the door for reality tv to seep in.

Keep trying.

See you next Wednesday

2005-01-18T23:47:00.000-08:00

Hey kiddies! It’s comic reviewin’ time! This post is going up on Tuesday night, so I haven’t yet been to the comic shop this week to pick up new releases, but since I pretty quickly fall behind, I’ll be using this space to review whatever I’ve happened to read in the previous week. I won’t bore you with arbitrary scores, so I’ll just give each comic a paragraph or two and let you do the math. Here goes…

JSA 68-69

For my money, Geoff Johns is the best old fashioned superhero writer out there right now. His plots and stories don’t have the of-the-moment hipness of Mark Millar or Brian Bendis, and I think that’ll work out for Johns in the long run. Hipness usually doesn’t age well (just look at Saturday Night Live. Chevy Chase was once considered the hippest one there). Deciphering Johns’ plots on the other hand is a different story. Although it’s probably not intended this way, JSA is a hard-core comic reader’s comic and if anyone wonders why the comics market is shrinking, I’d point to JSA 68 and 69. That’s not a knock on the story, but to a casual reader, JSA can seem pretty intimidating.

I’ll take a crack at recapping the plot: The JSA is made up of a mix of second generation heroes who have taken up the cape and cowl from their Silver and Golden Age forbears. The latest two issues are parts 1 and 2 of a 5-part storyline titled, “JSA/JSA” in which the time-travelling Nazi, Degaton, who’s been a thorn in the team’s side the past few issues has gone back to 1950, when the original JSA were called before Joe McCarthy’s Unamerican Activites Commision and asked to de-mask. In our timeline, they did but were able to pick up their masks years later and regroup. Degaton plans to set up the team to take the fall for an as yet unnamed event, making it impossible for them ever to reteam, thereby making it impossible for their children and sidekicks to take up the cause years later. To make matters worse, a group of genetically engineered soldiers from the year 2666 are on a tear through our time, shooting up the families of the current JSA members. A mysterious “Time Master” named Rip Hunter appears to the members and whisks them off to 1950 to try to prevent Degaton’s plan from working.

Whew. If that isn’t classic pulp stuff, I don’t know what is. Johns writes like he’s got the DC encyclopedia right next to him, with references to obscure 1950s adventures dropped into the dialogue for those geekish enough to seek out every back issues of DCs extensive catalog. Although I spent half the time being confused (and I’ve even read the 10 previous issues of JSA), I’m still along for the ride. It’s like cramming for a test in superhero history that I’ll never be asked to take.

Action Comics 823:

Chuck Austen’s out. Gail Simone’s in…in a few months. Until then we’ve got lame-duck plotting from Chuck Austen and boy is it awful. Austen is perhaps the most roundly despised comics writer around, with endless pages of Internet vitriol being shoveled his way on a regular basis. Luckily I’ve avoided any series he’s written until this one. He strikes me as being a writer of moments. Little flourishes of comic action that, if added to a coherent story, would be pretty charming. Instead, this is a story made up entirely of such moments. Superman spends this entire issues duking it out with a repo man who suddenly grows abnormally huge and angry. Why? No real reason is given, other than the fact the he can’t stand jocks and Superman looks like a jock to him. The fight takes place in Smallville, which Clark and Lois are visiting for Christmas, even though all the art shows full green trees and when Superman is knocked all the way to St. Louis (don’t ask) what appears to be a 4th of July cruise of the riverboat is shown. The art isn’t Austen’s fault, but I suspect it goes a long way toward revealing a script that isn’t well thought out or explained. The issue-long fight ends with a climax that really comes out of nowhere and has absolutely nothing to do with the previous 20 pages we’ve just read. Awful. Truly awful.

The streets of Hollywood

2005-01-18T14:06:00.000-08:00

This morning on my walk to work, I came across a page of someone's screenplay lying on a Hollywood street. On a whim, I decided to read it. I'm sure glad I did. Here are some highlights from page 23 of "Hallow's Eve" (the July 5, 2004 version):

EXT. FRONT OF STAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Adam guards the front door still holding onto a MACHETE. People in costumes filter in. Adams looks over at the dumb rich people next door.

Two hot wild looking girls wearing SHORT SKIRTS and T-SHIRTS walk up to Adam.

ADAM: You guys need a costume to come in.

STRIPPER 1: Alright, what about this?

Stripper 1 whispers into Stripper 2's ear. The girls take off their tops.

STRIPPER 2: OK, we're topless dancers.

ADAM: Good costume!

Adam smiles and the Stripper's [sic] walk into the party.

EXT. SAMANTHA'S MANSION - NIGHT

DUMB RICH PEOPLE pull up to a VALET STATION with their DUMB FANCY CARS. The dumb rich people walk up into the fancy house. TOBY, Samantha's 20 year old jackass son shouts out to Adam.

TOBY: Hey, how's your cheese puff eating loser party going?

I won't reveal anymore. I'm sure you'll be seeing it on a movie screen soon!

Globes now, comics later

2005-01-17T14:56:00.000-08:00

My comic review post will have to wait until later in the week. I want to be accurate and that always works better if I have the comics right in front of me. Look for the reviews around Wednesday (new comics day for those not in the know).

For now, I'm left wondering why the hell the Golden Globes have become such a phenomenon. It wasn't too long ago that they were broadcast on cable, one of the Turner stations I think, and they were watched only by those of us geeky enough to watch any awards show that came down the pike. Now, thanks to the vast needs of a 500 channel universe, the Golden Globes, the Independent Spirit Awards, the SAG Awards, and if the rumors are true, the Broadcast Film Critics Association are all treated like royal suitors, primping and preening before the king of awards shows (the Oscars, of course) happens in late Feb. (a month earlier than in the past. Thank God.)

The Golden Globes single charm was its open bar. Back in the days when no one quite realized anyone would watch the Globes, it had a looser "Who gives a rat's ass?" attitude. Stars cracked jokes. They gave their globes away (Ving Rhames sobbing to a bewildered Jack Lemmon), they gave half-sincere, half-drunk acceptance speeches. In other words, they treated it exactly how a movie awards show should be treated. We're not talking about curing cancer here. But now we live in a world where Kevin Bacon is lauded for his "brave choice" to play a child molester in "The Woodsman." That's not brave. He's an actor, just like the all the people in the community theater in my hometown. But if Kevin Bacon can be brave, then by God, the performers who got awards last night instead of him must be the modern equivalent of Ulysses or Chuck Yeager. They must have The Right Stuff, right?

Not really, no. But don't tell them that. One by one, they got up on the stage, wrapped their greedy little actor fingers around their award, and proceeded to thank an anonymous string of people we'll never hear of or deal with in our lives (if we're lucky) in the same tones as a minister reciting the begats of the bible. Jamie Foxx began to sob right on cue, mentioning his grandmother watching him from heaven. If you think I'm being a tad callous, remember that the moments like that one are what get replayed on the morning news shows and on the retrospective clip shows. Actors don't get awards by accident. Backstage, he was able to talk about her in a relaxed and casual way. Of course, Jamie, the international audience wasn't watching you back there. The cult of celebrity was in full force last night at the Beverly Hilton's International Ballroom and they stuff themselves pretty well. I woke up feeling empty.

Comic Monday

2005-01-17T13:26:00.000-08:00

Thursday night, Pat and I hit Meltdown, and I purchased about $40 worth of comic books. I'm trying to catch up. I was buying big for a while. I picked up any series that looked that interesting. Then I funneled down to just the absolute necessities: the Batman titles going trough War Games (a let down), Flash (my current favorite), and the Identity Crisis (that last issue was horrible).

Now I'm trying again to find the titles that I want to be following for the time being. I'm picking up a bunch of titles to see how they read. Plus I'm catching up on what I missed in the Batman family. I've generally avoided the Marvel Universe, but I picked up some titles when I was back in Iowa on the urging of Joe, my comic book mentor. I followed up two this week, and they're the first to books I read from my $40 spree.

New Avengers #2: Breakout Part II - I have never liked the Avengers. They just seemed like a crappy version of the Justice League. None of them had very distinct personalities. But I'm enjoying this book. It might be the massive scale of this first story. Matt Murdock and his best friend/law partner Froggy are visiting a prison for metahuman criminals guarded by Luke Cage and a former Spiderwoman to meet with a guy called the Sentry. There's an attack on the facility, and Captain America and Spiderman come to help. Issue two had Spiderman thrown into a mob of his worst enemies and severely beaten, Carnage trying to devour Luke Cage and Murdock, and this Sentry guy starts doing something. I guess what I like is the sense of peril. You know none of these characters are going to die, but there is a sense of peril and pain. You do feel that they could lose, which is why I stopped liking the Avengers in the first place. They seemed invincible. And who wants to read that?

Invincible Ironman #2: Extremis Part II - I've been iffy on Warren Ellis as a writer for a while. Transmetropolitian seemed like just a bad mix of Hunter S. Thompson and Frank Miller's Elektra stuff. Planetary was good, but I didn't get very far into it. But there's something about this book that I love. Maybe it's the mixture of his writing and Adi Granou's art. They work together to make this great naturalism. I don't think I've ever purchased an Ironman book before issue one of this series. The character is so mature and real that he doesn't seem to fit in the world of comic books. A millionaire industrialist recovering alcoholic who defends with a mechanical suit to make up for developing weapons for the first part of his career. I read a little on the message boards about this issue. Some people complain that Tony Stark never suits up as Ironman in the entire issue. The complain about too much character development and not enough action. Well, go read Claremont's X-Men crapfest or buy a collection of Stan Lee garbage. Leave this for people with more than an 8th grade education.

Wow, got a little mean at the end. Message Boards will do that to you.

I also picked up the Legends of the Dark Night issues of the Riddler's reinvention (which I'm not looking forward to), a Robin/Batgirl cross over I haven't heard about, and the next JLA from Busiek. I'll bore you to death with my opinions of them once I've read them.

I need your help.

2005-01-13T13:55:00.000-08:00

Are you familiar with those end of the year overused word lists? They're lists of words (and phrases) that have so saturated the media and culture that they have become a cliche. Words on the list for 2004 included "red state-blue state" "flip-flopper" and "metrosexual." "Show me the money" was probably on one of those lists in the past, as was "Where's the beef?"

I am asking for your help in making the list for 2005. My co-worker Chris and I have come up with an expression we'd like to see so oversaturate the culture that it creates the same effect as running your nails over a blackboard whenever you hear it.

The term is "podwhacked."

It's refers to the startling juxtaposition of songs that sometimes occurs when listening to your iPod on shuffle. For example, you're brooding to some dank and moody Tom Waites song that immediately leads to the Beach Boys chirping about their good vibrations. Startling, jarring, a 180-degree turn, a "podwhack."

But we're not satisfied with that. We want "podwhack" to really be used in social (usually dating) situations. Imagine you're talking to your friends about a guy or girl you've recently been dating. Things were going well, but suddenly and without warning they turn on you. Things went from fairy tale to nightmare before you knew it. You just got "podwhacked."

Another example: You've been having a great day. The sun is shining. All is right with the world. Then you come home to find your pipes burst and your kitchen is flooded. You just got "podwhacked."

Suggested usages: "I got totally podwhacked."
"I don't mean to podwhack him, but how else do I let him know I don't like him?"
"They podwhacked me in that meeting."

The possibilities are endless. Work it into your conversation. Work it into your e-mails. Overuse it. You have your orders. Disperse.

I'm a Big Dork

2005-01-13T13:08:00.000-08:00

I'd better get that piece of information out there now. Especially seeing as my post tomorrow will most likely be about the comic books I'm buying tonight. I'm a dork. Full fledged. Not chic dork. The kind buys t-shirts with pictures from old Nintendo games on it. I'm a comic book reading, video game playing, Star Trek watching (though I've never written Fan Fiction) dork.

Well, this dork here was randomly cycling though blogs, and I came across this.

Now I can't get it out of my brain. The Curta Calculator. It seems so incredibly cool to me. Curt Herzstark came up with this little machine that does multiplication and division. All these little gears and switches. It reminds me of a genre known as "Steampunk." It's kind of period science fiction. Cast iron robots. Coal burning space ships. Cool stuff like that. The most well known (and worst) example is "Wild Wild West." Loved the concept, hated the execution.

Thinking about the Curta Calculator reminds me of the clock in the pediatrician's office I used to go to way back when. It worked with marbles. The number of marbles on one shelf represented hours, then next was minutes, and the next was seconds. Every time the sixtieth second marble fell, all the second marbles fell and one marble got added to the minute shelf. The best was to have an appointment for 1:00 p.m. One hundred and thirty-two marbles drop, leaving just one on the shelves.

I checked eBay and Curta Calculators are running around $800. Maybe I'll just get a poster.

Air waves

2005-01-12T13:44:00.000-08:00

I'm not really reading anything right now. I have a copy of "the Story of O" that I carry around at times, but it's not the kind of thing you can whip out on the subway (which I don't ride. I pollute).

But I can talk about what I'm listening to. Yesterday, I listened to Indie 103.1 fm online (www.indie1031.fm). Today, I'm listening to Air America Radio (www.airamericaradio.com).

Now I've done a spattering of radio jobs, and I feel no qualms (oh, that's one I need to save for Scrabble) about judging the on air personalities.

I love Indie 103.1. I think it by far plays the best music in Los Angeles, and for the only man without an iPod, that's very important. Indie went forever without announcers. Slowly they've been picking up more and more. First was Steve Jones for Jonesy's Jukebox. Harmony in my Head with Henry Rollins. Camp Freddy. I love all these shows because the hosts are not DJs. I'm not sure who Indie's afternoon guy is, but he's a DJ. He says the names of the songs, makes the station announcements, and is generally, boring. Jonesy or Rollins or the other guys are great because they talk about the songs. Give some history or express their personal opinions/memories of them. You might say, "But Andrew, they're big rock stars. They have it easier." And I'd say shut the hell up, I'm talking here. It might be more instinctive for them to talk about music this way, but anyone can do it.

In my car Indie 103.1 shares a button with KROQ. I hate the announcers on KROQ. It's like some man in a suit who got to be the head of the station because he sold the most advertising handed down a memo saying "You can't say this or this or this or this and definitely not this or this. Now be edgy." These people are so generic and removable. Except for Loveline. I still enjoy Loveline.

As for Air America Radio, I'm about to turn it off just because I can no longer stand Randi Rhodes. I didn't really understand why conservatives hated liberals so much until I started listening to Randi Rhodes. She's unbendable, she's loud, and she's just rude. I like Al Franken and Katherine Lanpher. Franken keeps a good balance between entertainment and information. Sometimes his background in comedy comes over a little too strong. Jokes out weigh message, but I'd rather have that then a woman yelling at a caller until she simply disconnects from them. Arguing an issue by just saying how stupid your opposition is falls far from the power rhetoric can have.

But then again, they're on the air, and I'm sitting in my office at the mental hospital.

Maybe I'll put in a CD.

If Ebert says it's scary...

2005-01-12T13:25:00.000-08:00

Is it possible to respect a movie to death?

I think it is. In fact, I think that for a horror movie respectability is a fate more horrible than anything Jason, Freddy, Dracula or Christopher Walken could dish out. Horror movies are forbidden fruit, banned by your parents, formerly only available on the late, late show (how I wish we still had those) or pay cable channels. They're a dirty secret. Therefore, there's nothing lamer than having a horror movie pop up on a list by the AFI, the cinematic equivalent of having an entymologist stick a pushpin through it and mount it on a board somewhere in a dusty museum storeroom.

I had these thoughts while reading the book-length interview, "John Carptenter: Prince of Darkness" and wondering why I didn't find "Halloween" all that scary (despite it being No. 68 on AFI's Great Thrillers list). The book itself is a mixed bag, conducted in person and through faxes by a French journalist (Carpenter is considered a great auteur in France). What we end up with is a mix of sometimes thoughtful questions and sometimes too-brief answers. I could picture Carpenter scrawling a simple "Yes" or "No" on some of the faxed questions he was sent, then faxing them back in a hurry.

Carpenter comes across as a bit bitter, having suffered one bomb too many in his once promising career. The major turning point seems to have been his remake of "The Thing," which for my money, is one of the scariest horror movies I've ever seen. (And nowhere to be seen on AFI's lists, thank you very much). It also had the misfortune to be released in the summer of 1982, a few weeks after "E.T." was making people everywhere wish they could have a cute little alien in their subdivision, or at least a cute plush facsimile of said alien. Carpenter's bleaker than bleak vision of man's essential inhumanity didn't jive with the rainbows and Reese's Pieces crowd. Although he never comes out and says it, his movies after that seem to be more like carefully planned career moves rather than works of pure joy. There are highlights, of course. My personal favorites are "Big Trouble in Little China" which was a movie about 10 years ahead of its time and "Starman." "Starman" seems like a career move and was a modest hit, giving Jeff Bridges an Oscar nomination. "Big Trouble" seems like another work of love, and was another box office dog, that seems to have sealed Carpenter's fate. Poor John.

His movies since, all low-budget affairs, have been entertaining (and scary), but the critics have carved him a new one again and again and people seem to have forgotten he was once a big deal. Oddly, the films that got the lowest critical response are also his most twisted ("Prince of Darkness" and "In the Mouth of Madness") Essentially a cynic, a pessimist and a bit of a misanthrope, Carpenter probably won't be having any third act rejuvinations, but one of these days he'll be embraced by the critics as a forgotten treasure. Until then, we've still got the scares.

"A steak sandwich...and a steak sandwich"

2005-01-11T15:42:00.000-08:00

I'm not ready to give any formal reviews of anything, but I'll talk a little about what I'm currently reading. As is usual, I'm in the middle of several books at once. I'm not far enough into John Irving's "A Prayer for Owen Meany" to discuss it at any length, so I'll move onto my subway book and my non-fiction book.

I'm lucky enough to be able to use the L.A. subway to get back and forth to work most days. I've gotten so dependent on it that I sometimes doubt I can ever move, for fear of losing one of the best benefits of my current location. Because the trip isn't that long, and because there's usually more than enough entertainment surrounding me on the platform, I try to read books that don't take a great deal of concentration, or books that can be read in short bursts without losing any momentum. Right now, that book is "Fletch, Too" by Gregory Mcdonald.

"Fletch" (the movie) was a personal favorite of mine when I was a kid and I can quote freely from it at the drop of a hat. Reading the first "Fletch" book was a bit of a let-down, since I quickly discovered that most of the great smart-ass dialogue from the movie was an invention of Chevy Chase (back in the good old days, when he was gakked out of his head on cocaine). But since Mcdonald's writing style is breezy and mostly dialogue, I picked up another one ("Carioca, Fletch") and gave it a shot. I liked that one better, so whenever I happen to be in a used book shop, I look for other "Fletch" books.

The current one is a sequel to a prequel. "Fletch Won" went back to Fletch's early days as a reporter and "Fletch, Too" picks up right where that one left off. I won't rehash the plot because really, that's not the point. The point is the dialogue and after four "Fletch" books, I'm really becoming a fan of Mcdonald's back and forth banter. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't make me laugh out loud like the Chevy Chase movies, but it's still clever.

I've noticed that novelists tend to have their characters speak in much longer, complete sentences than screenwriters. Mcdonald revels in verbal badminton.

The other book I'm reading is a book-length interview with horror movie director John Carpenter, but I'll get to that another time.

Until then, watch out!

He didn't mention the death rays

2005-01-11T14:40:00.000-08:00

Okay, this is Andrew. Blogger #2. I'm the guy with the blogging experience, so I must say pay no attention to what Patrick has told you. "Self-indulgent?" No. Never. Blogs are made for the reader. What, do you think this some sort of futuristic narcissism ? The adult equivalent of shouting "hey, look at me!" Never. At least I wouldn't admit that if it were true. Gotta keep some things behind the curtain.

What were doing here is a public service. We're supplying you with our opinions so you don't have to bother getting opinions of your own. And we'll also be putting up links to stupid funny videos.

Now that all this crap is out of the way... do I have anything to say?

Getting down to business

2005-01-11T14:22:00.000-08:00

Well all right then. I'll start this party by establishing the ground rules. As is the case with 99% of the blogs out there right now, this is going to be very self-indulgent. I'm Patrick, the other blogger is Andrew. We're writing partners. Here, we're going to talk about what we've been reading and how we like it. Have you ever read Nick Hornby's column in "The Believer?" This is going to be similar, the major difference being that Nick Hornby is a fabulously successful writer and we are not. Yet. One day, the aliens will land and reward all bloggers everywhere for their ability to capture the human experience in a form easily accessible from their spaceships. We will be given great powers and endless wealth and when the dog-beasts are unleashed, we will be spared their awful fury. Blog on!

Hurray!

2005-01-11T14:20:00.000-08:00

Test. Test. Is anybody out there?